perseverance

sweet god in heaven....

so, i mentioned that i'm a nice guy right?
so nothing gets my goat more than when people assume i'm an angry,nasty,mean,ungrateful...etc.guy.

on top of which, i've never had a real enemy, nor a friend who dumped me. that is, i've never, ever, had a falling out with a friend that was anything serious.

so why tell you, right? well.

a girl i knew briefly was friends with me online. the other day i sent her a comment which her boyfriend read and misinterperted. (the comment was not meant to be riske~, but it was worded in a more suggestive manner than was perhaps sensible). so he get back to me with "hands off buddy, that my girl" message. apparently she was out of town or something. i send them both an apology, but to think that this girl even thought i could mean what her boyfriend seamed to think i meant....well, obviously she doesn't know me at all.

it just makes me so mad, you know?

i AM a good boy, and far better than most.


anyhow, the good news in all this is that i really don't care if i ever speak to her again. i'd be ok with jut dropping her completely.

i have been a doormat far too long. god knows.

i try to please others too hard...but that will end soon.

i'm growing up, and soon i'll be gone.

i hate to be morbid, but i don't fear death....i will welcome it when it comes.

what with the country going down the tubes, and the globe all out of whack...i wouldn't mind dieing tomorrow.


again i'm reminded that it is people who cause all my problems. not machines (even when they break down). if i could get away from the people...now THAT would be the life.

there is no peace, nor love, nor joy...so for now i leave you with...

perseverance out.

update

SO I regret to inform you that this blogs seems like a failure. i have found myself censoring my comments as i go, working to make sure that non of this comes back to bite me later. i'm so afraid that my true feelings might get traced back to me.

that's sad. i know. but that's my life, lived under a blanket, hidden away.

i did make step forward the other day. the boyfriend of one of my friends tore me a new one for leaving a comment on her page that was a tad colorful. not, i'm not a guy that could be called "forward". i'm as straight an arrow as anyone has ever been. my inner thoughts are my own, but I never, ever act inappropriately. if i ever say anything in jest, it's with a wink and a laugh and everyone know i'm teasing. but the internet bit me. with no nonverbal ques, i was misunderstood...at least by this one jerk. i haven't heard from the girl yet. i apologised immediately, but it gets my goat that this knucklehead had the nerve to cal me, me of all people, on my barely suggestive comment.

self righteous bastard.


anyway, i've been staring into the vasty deep again. thinking about space, and time, and the pointlessness of it all. i came up with what seemed like a poem. i liked it. it really felt like it expressed my exquisite anguish. i haven't got it on hand, but i'll try to remember to post it.



in happier news, i graduated! finally an end to pointless papers and retarded teachers and insane exams. now i'm confronted with "what to do next", a question i've heard nonstop.

the answer is i don't know. there are a million things that need doing. i need to get feedback from my folks about what they are expecting. but for now i'm just thrilled to CHILL for a while.

i watched 2 movies this morning and it rocked to waste the time. stomp the yard (dull) and hell boy (not half bad).

I plan to do more of this soon.

ttfn folks.
god help me.