Love

So, I got to thinking about love today.
You hear so many damn love songs all the time, on the radio, youtube, etc. and they all seem to blur together after awhile. all the angst, the broken hearts, the longing... they are real feelings, but they're so overplayed. This one is different though.



This song, and the video with it, make me ache. It's like a physical hurt, one I'm not at all used to.
see, I'm single, (like you couldn't have guessed that by now) and I'm a guy (who else post a blog about bookmarks?) and moreover, i'm cool with that.
I was always a shy person. From the time I was little I would hang around on the edges of the kids playroom at whatever conference etc that my family went to. I don't recall any traumatizing incidents, and I don't really feel like I hang back because I'm scared. But I've just never felt comfortable in new environments, or with new people.

so as i grew up i stayed that way. I didn't have a whole lot of contact with other kids my age. I did get along famously with the adults that were around. and I've always been seen as an anomaly because i act so mature. i enjoyed that btw. it made me feel special.

still, i missed a lot of the "normal" social interaction that most kids get as they grow up. I've never kissed a girl, never played doctor, gone on a date...etc. and again, i was cool with all of that. but lately i've started to feel...alone.

and in a different way. in the past i've often felt alone, in fact i love being alone! and i've devloped the ability to enjoy being lonley. notice the difference.
i love BEING alone...with no one around. (that's not all that unique)
i developed the ability to enjoy LONELEYNESS. (i can take that pain and enoy it).

they say girls develop before boys, and that may be true. i remember tackiling a girl back when i was....13? and not undertanding the feelings that i had.
but while my body has been good-to-go for years, only now are my emotions catching up. i'm starting to long for a companion. and not in the physical way (for the most part). what i want most is someone to support my ideas, not arguing about them, just being there for me. a smile, a hug. someone i can truly take all my masks off around, and let them inside my shell.

this video shows a girl that feels what feel. i want to be that romeo.

i'm not ready yet, but i'm finally awake, i'm looking, for that one girl... the one that makes me complete.


i know this was a rambly post, and not all tha clear, but that why this blog exists. to help me work these issues out.

8D