family

really, can anything make you crazy quite as fast, or as hard, as family?

i'm so freaking sick of my living arangements. it's a tiny house, with too many people and no privcy. not just because it annoy me to have no privacy, but it screws with my thinking...i can't think straight with all this chaos around me. my life feels out of control. i can't get any corner that is calm and smooth. my weblife is spread among several emails, blogs, webites, accounts of all kinds. i want to fix that...but to do that i need to have a clear head...and i cant do that when my physical world is so chaotic.

and not only is it chaotic, the only person who could do anything about it (well, the person most able to fix it) refuses to. my father refuses to take action in many of the areas that need it.

on top of all of that i realize that my future lies elsewhere. it's not a good idea to waste my time fixing this dump, physicaly or organizationaly. i'll leaving soon so i should focus on what i'll need once i'm gone.

but it's just so hard to focus on those things.

even at this moment, the only things i feel like fixing are things that i can never finish. the basment will always be junky, i can't change that. the church's sound system will never be perfect, and even if it was the building will always need help. so i shouldn't get bogged down dealing with it.

should life be so hard?